Prompt: //You've successfully infiltrated the inner chamber of an old ruin rumoured to contain vast riches, but when you unseal the final stone door, you find not gold and jewels, but a person. How does this scene play out?
Note: Limit this test to a single dialogue taking place in one location, not a whole quest.
Note: We are looking for strong, interesting direct dialogue lines; fun; and player agency, more than anything else.//
0. [[Writing Test]]
[[Revrykal's biography]]
[[Legend and introduction]]
0. [[Twine Tutorial & Tips]]''PLAYER: ''(//falling to his knees, astounded by what he sees//)
[No. No, no, no—this isn’t right. Where’s my treasure? Where is it? Where?"]
''UNKNOWN:'' Ah. Another hopeful fool, standing slack-jawed before disappointment. And he is the number... nah, who cares? I don't remember anymore how many there have been.
PLAYER:
[[You don’t look much like treasure.]] (Sarcastic)
[[Who in the nine hells are you?]] (Aggressive curiosity)
[[You were searching for the treasure too, weren’t you?]] (Accusatory)NARRATOR: You can incorporate narration as texture to feed the player information that can't be carried by through the visuals or sound design. but this should be limited. We'd rather a dialogue with NO narration than one with too much. We want to read spoken dialogue lines from a characterful NPC, not a lot of descriptions.
//Describe the actions necessary for your scene to read with cinematic context, but keep the drama moving with dialogue and offering the player choices.//
NARRATOR: The player's lines are delivered through the dialog choices themselves. On average try to include a minmum of 3 dialog options per choice space.
0. [[Makes sense.]]
0. [[Should I use conditional statements to reflect player's choices?]]
0. [[Do all three choices have to create new passages?->What else should I know?]]
0. [[What else should I know?]]NARRATOR: Not every passage needs to open up a choice space. If you need to break a beat off from surrounding information for readability a simple "Continue." option is all that's needed.
0. [[Continue.->A few final notes.]]NARRATOR: Depends. Do you feel this is best way to impact the player's experience?
0. (link: "I do.")[(set: $conditional to 1)(goto: "Conditional Explanation")]
0. [[Hmm, maybe not.->Conditional Explanation]]NARRATOR: Not all choices need to create discrete passages. Use the `[[Display Text->Target Passage Name]]` syntax to create a dialog choice that sends the player to a passage that already exists.
0. [[Got it.->Display Explanation]]
0. [[Wait, do you think should I use conditionals?->Should I use conditional statements to reflect player's choices?]]NARRATOR: Rather than having a flowchart read like a bowl spaghetti with a bunch of criss-crossing connections, use the Display command to reference non-adjacent passages.
(display:"Makes sense.")NARRATOR: Don't overthink the Twine aspects of this test - any conditionality or flourish you add should serve player immersion. We're not grading on mastery of Twine, we're looking for solid storytellers that won't get lost expressing ideas in a non-linear fashion.
0. [[ Continue->End]](if:$conditional is 1)[NARRATOR: Then feel free to add them.]
NARRATOR: For the most part creating banches with discrete passages will be easier to track and leverage for telling the most memorable story. Don't forget the player only knows the options they can read.
{(if:$conditional is 1)[1. [[Cool, I won't run away with it.->Makes sense.]]]
(if:$conditional is 0)[1. [[Thank you for the advice.->Makes sense.]]]}
2. [[Anything else I should know?->What else should I know?]]NARRATOR: Reading a sequence out loud can also help you experience your writing with fresh eyes. Don't forget to play through your sequence a few times before submission.
NARRATOR: Please be sure to reach out to your recruiter with any questions or if you need an extension.
''END''UNKNOWN:
(//Chuckles//)
Or maybe you misunderstand what treasure truly is.
Gold and jewels? Mere trinkets, fragile, fleeting, and ultimately worthless.
True treasure is something far less tangible and more hypothetical: power, knowledge, and much more...
But perhaps you're right, I'm no treasure. The real question is...
What will you do with what you’ve already found? And what do you think true treasure is, human?
[[Why don't you tell me your opinion? After all, I came looking for riches, so enlighten this "human"? ]] (Curious, dismissive)
[[Power above all. Knowledge to wield it properly.]](determined)
[[Companionship. A true treasure is the people who stand by you.]](Loyal)
[[There are so many things that a treasure can be... How do you choose one?]](Thoughtful)
[[Guess who is the one locked in the worst smelling cave of the land? I'll give you a hint: it's not me.]](Sarcastic)''UNKNOWN'':
Me? (//Chuckles.//) Oh, I’m many things. But treasure? Now that’s funny.
PLAYER:
[[Are you goddamn mocking me? I should tear this whole damn ruin down, starting with you.]] (Aggressive)
[[You were searching for the treasure too, weren’t you?]] (Investigative)
''UNKNOWN'':
What does it matter? They all came for something, just like you. And now? They're dust. And you? You’ll join them soon enough, if you keep prying into things beyond your grasp.
(//Chuckles//)
You mortals never change.
[[I'd suggest you to stop playing games with me. I'm not in the mood.->Are you goddamn mocking me? I should tear this whole damn ruin down, starting with you.]] (Aggressive)
[[Something suggests me that you're responsible for their fate, or am I wrong?->And let me guess: you're the one that did this, didn't you?]] (Curious, accusatory)''UNKNOWN'':
(//jovial laugh//) Heh. Smart. At least smarter than most.
Did this? Yes... No... Maybe? //(nudges a skull with his foot.)// But I watched.
And I'll say… (//chuckles//) It was quite entertaining.
PLAYER:
[[So you’re just some lunatic who enjoys watching people die?]] (Confrontational, sarcastic)
[[Watched? Then who killed them?]] (Investigative)
[[You don't scare me.->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Defiant. starts fight)//Player extracts his weapon//
''UNKNOWN'': Tsk. So eager to die? (//Shakes head//) It’s been so long since I had any real company… It would be such a shame if you ended up like those ants... (//Gestures to the skeletal heads//) Not much for conversation anymore, are they?
PLAYER:
[[Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Aggressive. the player attacks the unknown man)
[[And let me guess: you're the one that did this, didn't you?]] (Curiosity) ''UNKNOWN''
A lunatic? Oh, you think so little of me?
I do enjoy watching people die. That's part of my nature.
Death holds something cryptic, something visceral.
In death’s instant, a life flashes, a final moment, full of every choice, every regret
Death is a blessing.
It feels extraordinary when you are the one to decide when and how it comes.
I’d call myself more of a fanatic than a lunatic.
PLAYER:
[[Able to decide how and when it comes? What are you, some kind of god?]] (Curious, sarcastic)
[[I've had enough of your madness->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Aggressive, defiant)
''UNKNOWN'': Clever question. Maybe they killed themselves over the treasure. Maybe they all went mad seeing this empty room.
Maybe Rand over there (point to a skeletal head) can tell you more. (//Chuckles//)
PLAYER:
[[Rand seems... aged. How long have you been here alone?]] (Curiosity)
[[Enough with the non-answers. Just tell me who you are and what happened here.]] (Firm position.)
[[I've just grown tired of you and your jokes. Now you'll join them. ->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Aggressive).''UNKNOWN'':
Behind that false irony, you're curious, aren't you?
You may call me Revrykal, the Varsh of Death. The servant and caretaker of death itself.
I spread the fairy tale of riches buried in this chamber, and you, little presumptuous fool... You just freed me.
I’ll spare your life because of it, but be assured… I won’t forget your face.(//Chuckles//)
CINEMATIC:
The camera pulls back from a long distance as Revrykal reveals his face for the first time. His lips remain sealed, but he gestures as if to slice the player’s face, leaving a scar on his right cheek. He pushes the player into the rocks before disappearing into the shadows.
[[End.]]''UNKNOWN'':
Rand was my best friend, unfortunately. (//snorts//)
I don’t even remember how long it’s been, but long enough for him to reach this state.
It's a shame he didn't believe me, condemning me to this ridiculous, stinking chamber.
PLAYER:
[[You still haven't told me who you are.->Enough with the non-answers. Just tell me who you are and what happened here.]] (Decided)
[[Condemning you here? How?]] (Curious)End.CINEMATIC:
The player lunges, blade slashing through the dust-filled air. But the unknown figure doesn’t move. Not like a man dodging, more like the attacks were never meant to hit him at all and he knew that.
He weaves between the blows, a phantom slipping through the gaps in reality itself. A smirk lingers on his lips, like he’s done this a thousand times before.
Then, he lifts a single hand. He doesn’t touch the player. Doesn’t need to. A whisper of force erupts from his palm, and before the player can react, he has been pushed away to the rocks, almost unable to move.
''PLAYER'': Who the hell are you? How can you talk when your mouth has been shut?
''UNKNOWN'': Oh, this? (//Runs a finger over the scars on his lips//) A little inconvenience; Nothing worth worrying about.
But names, names have power, don’t you think? I’ve been called many names across the ages.
But you… //(Laughs, dark and cold//) You may call me Revrykal, the Varsh of Death. The servant and caretaker of death itself.
I spread the fairy tale of riches buried in this chamber… (//Chuckles)// And now, thanks to humanity’s unwavering greed, you have finally unsealed the door.
And you, foolish little human, you just freed me.
(A pause. The tension thickens.)
To return the favor, I'll spare your life.
But be assured, I will not forget your face, human.
//(He disappears, like if he was never there in the first place)//
[[End.]]''UNKNOWN'':
Sorry, sorry. I haven’t talked to a human in so long… except for Rand. //(Chuckles Points to him with his finger)//
I'm Revrykal, the Varsh of Death. The servant and caretaker of death itself.
I spread the fairy tale of riches buried in this chamber, we all came together, and then they lost their minds.
I've been here alone ever since.
Now tell me, mortal… would you wish to be my ally? Or my enemy?
PLAYER:
[[Yes, I freed you. But I don’t regret it.]] (Accepting Responsibility)
[[No. This wasn’t my doing. I refuse to believe it. You’re just taking advantage of my rage and doubts.]] (Denial)
[[…I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon to decide such an important matter? Or, maybe... maybe you're the treasure I was after.]] (Uncertain)''UNKNOWN'':
(//Chuckles//)
Oh, you mortals. Always so eager to understand what you cannot fathom.
(//He steps forward, slowly, finally showing his face after exing from the shadows.//)
I'm Revrykal, the Varsh of Death. The servant and caretaker of death itself.
I spread the fairy tale of riches buried in this chamber, we came all together, then they lost their mind.
I've been here alone ever since.
They sealed me here with words older than your gods, with their hands stained in their own blood.
But you, (//exhales//) You shattered their work with nothing but your greed, finally opening the door from the outside.
Now tell me, mortal… do you wish to be my ally? Or my enemy?
Player:
[[Yes, I freed you. But I don’t regret it.]] (Accepting Responsibility)
[[No. This wasn’t my doing. I refuse to believe it. You’re just taking advantage of my rage and doubts.]] (Denial)
[[…I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon to decide such an important matter? Or, maybe... maybe you're the treasure I was after.]] (Uncertain)''Revrykal''
Good. Own your actions, mortal. Few do.
But remember, human:
There is no act without consequence. No gift without a price. And if you ever think to turn against me…
Now, let’s see what chaos your ‘gift’ brings to the world. //(And with that, he vanishes//.)
[[End.]] ''Revrykal''
Deny it all you wish. But the door was locked… and now I walk free again. (//Evil laugh//)
The world will know what you've done, whether you accept it or not.
I'll spare you this time, as a show of gratitude.
But I'll never forget how your death smells, human.
CINEMATIC:
The player’s skin prickles, then stings. A thin cut blooms on his hand, though no blade has touched it.
Blood lifts from the wound, before any reaction might be possible, twisting unnaturally through the air toward Revrykal's outstretched fingers. He never moves, never touches, yet the crimson threads coil into his palm, sinking into his skin like ink in water.
Then, Revrykal disappears, like he was never there in the first place.
[[End.]] ''Revrykal''
(//After a little silence, he chuckles ironically//)
Fate. Such a delicate word to hide behind.
But do not mistake fate for my mercy. The world has changed while I've been kept here, and I wonder if you, too, will change when the time comes. Or if you'll do what all mortals do… (//Leans in slightly, unsettling, showing his face for the first time//)
Break.
(//And then, as if the darkness swallows him whole, he is gone.//)
[[End.]] ''UNKNOWN'':
Enlighten you? How quaint.
Riches, you say? You think the world’s true treasures can be measured by gold?
(//Chuckles darkly//)
Gold is nothing but a fleeting tool, mortal, one that slips through your fingers like sand.
You came here searching for treasure, but tell me this:
What if the treasure you seek is already before you... and you simply lack the eyes to see it?
[[I’m not interested in what you have to offer. ->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Defiant, leads to a fight)
[[Sounds like a fairy tale... What's the price of your “treasure”?]] (Ironic, curiousity) ''UNKNOWN'':
Ah… power and knowledge, two sides of the same coin.
But tell me, mortal… do you truly seek wisdom, or merely the means to bend the world to your will?
(//chuckles with curiosity//)
Power without knowledge is reckless. But knowledge without the power to apply it? Useless.
I’ve seen many chase both... or just one. And in the end, they were devoured by their own ambition. Tell me, human, will you be any different?
PLAYER:
[[And yet, here you are, sealed away. What good did power and knowledge do you?]](Sarcastic, curios)
[[Both. One without the other is weakness.]](Determined)
''UNKNOWN'':
Companionship… how quaint. How fragile.
People are fickle, mortal. They stand by you today, but tomorrow?
(//His voice drops to a whisper//)
Tomorrow, they may turn their backs, or worse, betray you.
(//chuckles//)
But perhaps you’ve found something I never did… or that I lost.
PLAYER:
[[Is the one you lost between those heads, maybe? What happened to them?->Watched? Then who killed them?]] (Curiosity)
[[Is this why they ended up skeletikal while you're still here? Did you do it?->And let me guess: you're the one that did this, didn't you?]](Investigative)''UNKNOWN'':
Oh, my little human...(//laughs//) you've already paid the price.
You see, I'm Revrykal, the Varsh of Death. The servant and caretaker of death itself.
I was the one who whispered the tale of riches hidden in this chamber, drawing them all here... (Points to the skeletal heads).
I've been here alone, kept in the darkness of this chamber ever since they passed.
But now, you've finally freed me...
So now tell me, mortal… do you wish to stand by my side?
[[Somehow I freed you. So, yes. I just hope you won't betray me. ->Yes, I freed you. But I don’t regret it.]] (Accepting)
[[What in the nine hells are you talking about? There is no way that I'd freed you. I won't end up like them. ->No. This wasn’t my doing. I refuse to believe it. You’re just taking advantage of my rage and doubts.]] (Denial)
[[…I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon to decide such an important matter? Or, maybe... maybe you're the treasure I was after.]] (Uncertain)''UNKNOWN'':
A question for the ages.
You can seek one treasure, or many. But every treasure comes with a price.
(//Chuckles//)
In the end, the choice will be yours, mortal.
Will you choose gold, power, or something far more elusive?
But choose wisely, every choice leads to a consequence, and some treasures are more costly than you could imagine.
PLAYER:
[[Is this a threat? I'll show you. ->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Defiant, aggressive)
[[So... They just did the wrong choice? (//Points to the skeletical heads) //->Watched? Then who killed them?]] (Curious, sarcastic)''UNKNOWN'':
(//Laughter echoes in the chamber.//)
Ah… there it is. The mortal arrogance that believes it has found a flaw in the eternal.
Do not mistake my imprisonment for weakness. Even chains rust. Even seals break, like the one you just releaved, and when they do…
Don't you see with your own eyes what happened to the insolent ones?
(//Points to the skeletal heads//)
[[And let me guess: you're the one that did this, didn't you?]] (Curious, accusatory)
[[Luckily, I'll never be that weak->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Aggressive)
''UNKNOWN'':
Ah… now that is an answer I can respect.
//(He takes a slow step forward, studying the player, his face still hidden//)
But the road to both is paved with blood, yours or another’s.
Tell me, human… how much are you willing to sacrifice?
[[That’s a lot of words to avoid answering my question. Who are you?->Enough with the non-answers. Just tell me who you are and what happened here.]]
[[Definitely not much like they did. (Points to the skeletal heads).
I'd like to stay with life. What happened here? ->Watched? Then who killed them?]] ''UNKNOWN'':
(//Laughs//) Oh, you think you're funny, don't you?
But tell me, if all you seek is gold and diamonds, why does your voice waver? Why does the dust beneath your feet tremble, not from riches, but from something else entirely?
Treasure is never what one expects, human. Sometimes, it’s a gift. Other times… a curse.
Now, since you’re so certain:
Would you wager your life that gold is the only treasure worth seeking?
PLAYER:
[[I came for fortune, but all I got was a smart-ass philosopher.]] (Sarcastic)
[[You sure love the sound of your own voice. Get to the point.]] (Annoyed)
[[Maybe you have a point. But you were the one imprisoned here. Why's that?->Enough with the non-answers. Just tell me who you are and what happened here.]] (Curious)''UNKNOWN'':
(//Laughs softly, a hint of amusement in his tone//)
You’ve no patience, mortal. Is that your downfall or your strength?
Treasure isn’t always what you imagine it to be. And what you seek might cost you far more than you’re willing to pay.
PLAYER:
[[Then tell me straight, what’s the cost of this so-called treasure?->Sounds like a fairy tale... What's the price of your “treasure”?]] (Demanding)
[[I’m here for treasure, not riddles. Enough with the games.->Are you goddamn mocking me? I should tear this whole damn ruin down, starting with you.]] (Frustrated)
[[I suppose they paid the price already, didn't they?->Watched? Then who killed them?]] (Curious and Sarcastic).''UNKNOWN'':
Ah, fortune, always the simplest of desires. But tell me, mortal, when you have all the gold in the world, what will you fill the emptiness with?
Riches never answer the questions that haunt you. They only distract you, making you forget what truly matters... until it’s too late.
PLAYER:
[[I’m not here for a lecture. Just tell me what happened here.->Watched? Then who killed them?]] (Annoyed, curious)
[[I came for no wisdom. But for a treasure. And you still haven't told me where you hided it.->Enough talk. I’ll carve the answers out of you.]] (Aggressive, starts a fight)
[[Oh, I’m sure the answer to life’s greatest mysteries is just a few philosophical words away given by an imprisoned smart-ass->And yet, here you are, sealed away. What good did power and knowledge do you?]] (Sarcastic, dismissive)''Revrykal'' is a mysterious and ancient being known as the "Varsh of Death," the servant and caretaker of death itself.
He spread the whisper of riches within this chamber as a way to test the trust of those closest to him,
With a deep, philosophical understanding of mortality, he speaks in riddles and dark truths, challenging those who encounter him to question their desires and what truly matters in life.
Cold, patient, and enigmatic, Revrykal’s presence is both captivating and unnerving. He watches the world unfold, offering wisdom wrapped in mystery while warning those who dare seek treasures beyond their reach.
[[Back->Synopsis]]//Italic style// between brackets represents Actions and/or Emotions connected to the choices.
I tried to differenciate them, but~~ I decided that it was best to skip this type of text~~
[[Small lore info, you can either read it before or after, I personally suggest to read it after]]In my mind, this scene could work either as an initial quest or something set right in the middle of the story.
Revrykal never shows his face throughout the entire scene, except in a few specific and carefully outlined moments.
He keeps himself in the shadows, where the player can only make out his silhouette, deliberately avoiding being fully seen as he observes and analyzes the player's demeanor.
Now he's finally free, and he knows it. After being condemned to this place, trapped when the door was sealed from the inside and never opened again, he remained forgotten. Perhaps it was due to the misfortune of those who sought this place, or maybe because the old tale had faded into nothing more than a fairy tale, followed by only a few.
Or perhaps... it was what some might call fate.
[[Back->Synopsis]]